The Flawed Healer

I used to believe, naively, that healers and other people in the helping professions were healed themselves...that psychologists must not have issues, that energy healers never got sick...that somehow these people had the key to their own well-being. It was always disillusioning to me to discover the person I'd been seeking guidance from was flawed, sometimes greatly so. How could I trust what they were telling me if it didn't work for them?

Now I think, how could they be helpful if they didn't experience those things? How can you help other humans if you yourself don't have human emotions, human ailments, human thoughts? It seems obvious now. It is in our own suffering, in our flaws that we are able to help others because we are able to empathize. And it is our own suffering or discontent that pushes us to find answers, encourages us to find peace, however we can, and in so doing, help others do the same. At least if we don't get stuck in it.

Sometimes it works the other way around. Sometimes when we are striving to help others, we help ourselves as well. This is nowhere more evident than in a parent/child relationship. If we can relate and listen to our children, perhaps we can heal that child who was never heard. Or if we can honor our kids' "selfish" side, maybe we can learn to honor our own Self that has been neglected. And if we can truly show unconditional love to our kids, we might just be loving some lost part of our own inner child.

It's sort of a chicken or the egg kind of thing. It's cyclical...it's hard to give someone what you haven't gotten yourself ...but it's sometimes even harder to give to yourself.

I have many energy healing modalities at my disposal and when I am in pain or out of sorts, I can achieve a certain level of relief by using them. However, many times I find the result is more drastic when someone else works on me and my work on them is more effective on them than their own is. I can only speculate that this is because we can't see the forest through the trees, so to speak. Perspective changes everything and we usually don't have great perspective on our own issues. Or maybe it is the sheer act of purely receiving that is so healing...either way, we have the potential to help each other heal, if we could just see the connection, the reflections of ourselves in everything. I think we need to play both healer and healee in order to find balance and peace.

Being human, accepting all that that means, and being a healer or teacher are not mutually exclusive. Quite the contrary...speaking as someone who wants to help people heal, it helps us be more compassionate. And speaking as a patient or client or student, having a leader or healer who is human and embraces that, shows me that I, too, with all my human issues, have the same potential to help others.

Spring

I love spring. I love the smell of the rain and the trees just beginning to bud. I love the anticipation of seeing the first sprouts coming up from the earth and the mystery of what those sprouts could be (especially because I often forget what I planted the year before).

Every day I go out and tour my own yard as if I'm seeing it for the first time and in a way, I am. Each day brings new wonder, new surprises. Spring is still hopeful. It isn't quite late enough to discover that those lilies I planted didn't make it or that the blueberry bush didn't produce. There is still so much potential.

I have planted shrubs before and waited anxiously to see them budding in the spring only to discover them dead. A few days ago when I walked around my yard, most of the new shrubs I planted appeared to be dead. Since they're new and I can't remember exactly what they are or when they're supposed to bloom, I decided break off a tiny piece of the branch to see the inside. I was delighted to see green. I have decided to take that to mean the other ones that appear dead are really just waiting, protecting themselves until it's warm enough to emerge. That's the wonder and beauty of spring.

Every year we gather with friends for a spring celebration. There are nature crafts for the kids, potluck food and drink for the adults and a planting ceremony. We all write down on slips of paper what we want to sow...wishes, goals, ideas. We take turns digging with a shovel and bury our hopes with a plant or seeds. We also have a bonfire and let go of anything we need to and take a turn sharing where we're at and what spring means to us. It's a beautiful tradition, one that I look forward to. For many of us, it is the hope, the light, that means so much.

For the past two years, I have gone into my dance studio above the garage in the spring to find a bird trapped there. They had somehow found their way in but couldn't find their way out. The first was a male cardinal, the second year a mama robin. In both cases, I was amazed to find that the bird allowed me to cup my hands around it and carry it to the open window to let it out. I can't explain how honored I felt by that. Perhaps they knew I could help or perhaps they were just too scared to struggle or fly away, I don't know. And though I was helping the bird, it felt like I was the one being given a gift.

The gift is being allowed to touch something that usually seems so separate. As a human it is a privilege for me to connect with another life that I usually just admire from afar, that is so light and free. I am touched by being part of returning that thing of beauty to its freedom. In this way, I am part of the hope that spring brings.

Love and Logic

I have a friend who is in love with a man from another culture, one where he is expected to marry a woman of his family's choosing. The man loves her, too, but is torn between that and his loyalty to his family and their expectations of him. It is very likely he'll have to make a choice. His family will probably disown him if he chooses to stay here. Their situation is complicated and at times, seems to my friend, impossible. They are from two different worlds and yet they are in love. Knowing this, knowing that there is a good chance that this man will choose his family, hasn't prevented her from seeing him, from loving him.

If only love made sense. If only we could reason with our hearts, make them love who is best for us. It's funny how we'll try....we'll try to find logical reasons for why we love who we love but the bottom line is that many times, most times, there is no logic. We feel what we feel.

They say that love is blind. Maybe that's true or maybe it's that love sees all...goes beyond the surface to see the potential in someone. Sometimes that potential comes to fruition and sometimes it doesn't and if we act on our love for that person and their potential we are making a willing choice to take that chance.

And what is romantic love anyway? Is it the chemistry between two people, the physical attraction? Is it the enjoyment or comfort we get from being around someone? Is it the feeling we get when we look at someone across the room or look into someone's eyes and can't look away? Is it the desire to know that person? To be near him/her? All or none of the above?

None of these things are logical or can be rationalized, no matter how we try. Nor can we control them. The only thing we do have control over is our actions, how we respond to the feelings we have. I suppose that's where the mind, where logic can be helpful. It has the potential to temper our actions but we don't always listen. And sometimes it can pay off and sometimes it doesn't. I guess the wisdom is in seeing both potential outcomes and being willing to accept either one.